Monday, March 24, 2008

It Seemed Like a Good Idea At the Time....

I had a bad weekend last week. Definitely of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad genre.For reasons that I no longer recall (probably due to dietary trauma), I decided that my system could do with a little purification. It was almost spring, Easter was a coming, and hey, celebrities do it all the time. How tough could it be? No, I didn't go to rehab. It was much, much worse. I decided to detox. With a downloaded menu in hand, I announced to family and coworkers alike my intentions. Actually, it was more of a warning...I thought I might be a little cranky at home and at work during the following week. In order to follow the menu plan, I was to give up all dairy products, wheat, caffeine(my coffee!)- all the good stuff in life and give my system a rest for a week. Alcohol wasn't mentioned but I decided to be good and add that too. In the spirit of solidarity, daughters 3 and 4 decided to join me in my journey. The husband threatened to eat juicy steaks in front of us as his contribution. I wasn't scared. He'd have to cook them himself. It was a very simple plan. No funny teas or potions-just a lot of organic fruits and veggies, salads, soups, and a little protein in the form of fish and chicken. Piece of cake. Day 1 passed okay. There were a few complaints about the breakfast which was described as 2 slices of wood with mud slapped on it, otherwise known as Ezekiel bread with almond butter. But other than a few longing looks at the leftover pizza in the fridge, we survived. After breakfast on day 2, I began to worry. The kids hated breakfast, salad was looking bad, and the vegetable soup I made for lunch was activating my gag reflex. We made it to dinner-gluten free pasta with marinara and salad for the third time. During dinner we spoke longingly of the good old days of bread and butter, a glass of milk or wine. I worried about being hauled over to the school for child abuse. Then Satan sat down at our dinner table in the form of daughter #3's boyfriend. He complemented the pasta , gave an evil laugh, and withdrew a large Lindt chocolate bar from his jacket pocket. All conversation ceased. "You know", I said, "We could make this a weekend detox..." Daughter #4 said she was staying up till midnight so she could eat the chocolate bar. I said it was midnight some where and dove for it. Chaos ensued but no injuries were sustained. We shook on it , decided to end detox, and try again another day. Later, as I was explaining to my massage therapist why I had a knot the size of Texas in my neck, I discovered we hadn't even made it to the hard day. Day 3 is the biggie. She detoxes twice a year and takes a week off of work each time in order to hide herself from the world. If you decide that you would like to test your own willpower and stamina, we just received a new book at the library, The Detox Strategy-Vibrant Health in 5 easy steps by Brenda Watson. We also have the Detox Diet by Elson M Haas and several other titles in the stacks. All I can say is good luck and I dare you. I double dog dare you!


  1. Anonymous4:30 PM

    Don't worry about detoxing until you have eaten all the candy in the Easter baskets. There is just no point until you're done with that job.

  2. Anonymous10:18 PM

    Hey, I just detoxed vicariously via this post. Count me out.


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